The Center for Disease Control reported this week that thousands of people are at risk of contracting the deadly hantavirus after visiting Yosemite National Park this summer. This mouse-borne virus is rare, but deadly. So far it has claimed two lives, with so many more people having been exposed to the virus, that number will likely rise.
Sitting in my home thousands of miles away, I feel helpless, as thousands of people may unknowingly be infected, and more campers continue to roll in to Yosemite. Well, almost helpless that is. I feel it is my civic duty to help my fellow Americans, and with the power of the Internet, I think I can. So I will use this blog like a beacon in the night sky, calling upon an unlikely hero to rise again in this dark hour. And it is my hope that by the grace of God, this blog will find its way to Little Bunny Foo Foo.
Little Bunny Foo Foo, you have been cast as a bully, a ruffian, a thug of the woods, responsible for blatant, unwarranted rodent-on-rodent violence. The Good Fairy, most likely a pawn of PETA, has chased you to obscurity, with the threat of turning you into a goon should you bop any more mice on their heads. And look what has transpired in your absence. Mice, small in stature, but as large in numbers as they are arrogant, have run rampant on the campsites of Yosemite, happily urinating and defecating wherever they damn well please with no respect to human life.
Only you can strike fear in to the mice, Little Bunny Foo Foo. Only you can rid the land of the "Cockroaches of Rodent Family". Only you can eradicate these vile, uncouth vermin. You are our only hope. The mice are many and strong, and Aquaman's powers have already proven to be useless against them.
So go Little Bunny Foo Foo. Hop through the forest. Even skip if you must, we won't judge you. Bop those mice on their heads. Bop the heart they say you never had out. Bop heads like you've never bopped heads before. Bop field mice, deer mice, white footed mice, brown mice, chipmunks ( I know they were in on it too). Bop them all I say. Bop until you can bop know more. Then give them purple nerples, noogies, Indian burns, whatever it takes to get them to leave.
You need not worry about that Good Fairy, mouse apologist that she is. I have dispatched Aquaman to run interference. Turns out he is useful for something. Despite living under a coral reef, the saltwater hasn't hurt that head of pristine blonde hair. I mean seriously, it just keeps coming at you like waves of gold. Even the brawniest of lumberjacks would be distracted. Oh and those eyes...
Umm, but getting back on track, your nation needs you Little Bunny Foo Foo. Your story is not done being written. Your legacy has not been set in stone. Goon is no longer your destiny. Hero is.
Good luck and Godspeed.
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Talk About a Killer Rack....
Its important whats on the inside. How many times has a reassuring parent used that line to pep up the spirit of a down trodden child? Unfortunately, it seems leaders of terrorist organizations are using the same quote as they plan new attacks despite increased security.
In 2009, an al-Qaeda bomber inserted 1 pound of explosives and a detonator in his rectum, bypassed security, and attempted to take the life of Saudi Prince Muhammed bin Nayef. The suicide bomber naturally died, the Prince was only slightly injured, and the entrance to his home required a good scrubbing. What I can't get over is the sheer volume of the explosives that were inserted into which particular body cavity. One pound of explosives?!! In his rectum?!! That's one more ounce than two Big Macs. I usually feel like I want to explode after one Big Mac, so I can only imagine how this guy felt.
Another report I read stated that one tactic terrorists could use is surgically implanting bombs in to the bodies of their foot soldiers. Talk about dedication to a cause. I guess one would literally have eat, drink, and bleed al-Qaeda to sign up for these missions.
Intelligence speculates bombs could be implanted in women's chests, which would be detonated by pushing down on the breast. Call me naive, but I had no idea the fundamentalists behind these organizations would allow women to have such prominent roles. And apparently the dorm masters at al-Qaeda U are not concerned that the females would be tempted to relieve some of the obvious stress, and engage in a tickle and/or pillow fight with the other girls. Another big difference between them and us pigs in America.
Its quite an interesting tactic they are developing. I can't see the impact being too damaging however, other than psychologically to those who witness it (and have to clean up the mess afterward). As evidenced by the attack on Prince Nayef, the human body provides a good amount of insulation. Its kind of like lighting a firecracker inside a water balloon.
Closer to home we seem to have someone who had a complete disregard for the words of encouragement that opened this blog. Oneal Morris reportedly performed illegal cosmetic surgery on at least one person, injecting cement, mineral oil, and Fix-a-Flat into the buttocks of a "patient". The use of Fix-a-Flat is a bit ironic, because if you seen photos of "her", (Morris is transgendered, but technically a male), it appears "she" stuffed a spare tire down "her" pants. I mean seriously, look this person up. "She" looks like the love child of Beyonce and the Michelin Man. "She" obviously must have used the line "it worked for me" whenever the use of Fix-A-Flat was questioned. I mean come on people, if cosmetic surgery was really that easy, don't you think there would be infomercials hosted by washed up celebrities (I'm thinking Pam Anderson or Tara Reid) on late at night promoting such do it yourself products?
It is such a sad state of affairs that people are using the advances in surgery to hurt or take advantage of others. If we can insert weapons of minor damage in a person, why not to do it for comedic effect rather than to hurt others? I for one would sign up to have a joy buzzer inserted in the palm of my hand. Given the results of the bombing of Prince Nayef, who emerged from the hospital with only 2 fingers bandaged, you could argue that, minus the stained carpet, it would be nearly as effective.
In 2009, an al-Qaeda bomber inserted 1 pound of explosives and a detonator in his rectum, bypassed security, and attempted to take the life of Saudi Prince Muhammed bin Nayef. The suicide bomber naturally died, the Prince was only slightly injured, and the entrance to his home required a good scrubbing. What I can't get over is the sheer volume of the explosives that were inserted into which particular body cavity. One pound of explosives?!! In his rectum?!! That's one more ounce than two Big Macs. I usually feel like I want to explode after one Big Mac, so I can only imagine how this guy felt.
Another report I read stated that one tactic terrorists could use is surgically implanting bombs in to the bodies of their foot soldiers. Talk about dedication to a cause. I guess one would literally have eat, drink, and bleed al-Qaeda to sign up for these missions.
Intelligence speculates bombs could be implanted in women's chests, which would be detonated by pushing down on the breast. Call me naive, but I had no idea the fundamentalists behind these organizations would allow women to have such prominent roles. And apparently the dorm masters at al-Qaeda U are not concerned that the females would be tempted to relieve some of the obvious stress, and engage in a tickle and/or pillow fight with the other girls. Another big difference between them and us pigs in America.
Its quite an interesting tactic they are developing. I can't see the impact being too damaging however, other than psychologically to those who witness it (and have to clean up the mess afterward). As evidenced by the attack on Prince Nayef, the human body provides a good amount of insulation. Its kind of like lighting a firecracker inside a water balloon.
Closer to home we seem to have someone who had a complete disregard for the words of encouragement that opened this blog. Oneal Morris reportedly performed illegal cosmetic surgery on at least one person, injecting cement, mineral oil, and Fix-a-Flat into the buttocks of a "patient". The use of Fix-a-Flat is a bit ironic, because if you seen photos of "her", (Morris is transgendered, but technically a male), it appears "she" stuffed a spare tire down "her" pants. I mean seriously, look this person up. "She" looks like the love child of Beyonce and the Michelin Man. "She" obviously must have used the line "it worked for me" whenever the use of Fix-A-Flat was questioned. I mean come on people, if cosmetic surgery was really that easy, don't you think there would be infomercials hosted by washed up celebrities (I'm thinking Pam Anderson or Tara Reid) on late at night promoting such do it yourself products?
It is such a sad state of affairs that people are using the advances in surgery to hurt or take advantage of others. If we can insert weapons of minor damage in a person, why not to do it for comedic effect rather than to hurt others? I for one would sign up to have a joy buzzer inserted in the palm of my hand. Given the results of the bombing of Prince Nayef, who emerged from the hospital with only 2 fingers bandaged, you could argue that, minus the stained carpet, it would be nearly as effective.
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