The arrival of autumn brings both the mating season and hunting season of several animals. Its a Darwinian tug of war, as one species attempts to increase its population while another tries to lower it. During the rut, deer-the main attraction for most hunters- are much more active and less cautious since they are all hopped up on hormones, with a Propagate-Or-Bust attitude.
The Texas Parks and Wildlife Department did an extensive study on white-tailed deer. The study showed does go through estrous cycles 28 days apart. They may be attracted to bucks for a period of 5 days, but only willing to reproduce during one 2 hour period within those 5 days (teases). Bucks on the other hand, like males of most species, are always ready to go.
Mating season is a interesting biological phenomena. Surely at some point in time, humans had a mating season. Early man probably knew that having offspring during a certain season greatly improved its chances for survival. As man evolved, the mating season stretched longer and longer to the point where it was no longer a season at all. It could have been due to any number of reasons, such as climate change, advances in horticulture, or the advent of alcohol.
And with mating season amongst people being phased out, the world changed dramatically. But what if humans had a mating season this very day? What if every fall humans had an overwhelming instinctual urge to reproduce? Imagine how different the world would be...
In most animals, the number one priority during mating is procreation. I'll assume the human race can remain a bit more civilized. I'm not suggesting meaningful, loving relationships wouldn't exist, nor am I foretelling a story of a world where people are transformed into a zombie like population, walking around in a pheromone induced haze. But their sex drives would be heightened to "Drunk Frat Boy" level. And drunk frat boys' sex drive would be elevated to "Rabbits On Some Really Good Ecstasy" level.
First, there is the economic effect. Nine months of hormonally balanced people would lead to much more focus at work and greater productivity for 75% of the year. But there are quite a few businesses that would suffer if people only thought about sex for those three months. What are year round businesses in our current world would be sweating things out until their busy season begins in late September, like lingerie and cologne manufacturers, the people at Pfizer, and the entire porn industry.
Bucks are more active in times of low light, during their mating season. Low or no light has played a crucial part in many, many, many, many, many hookups. Many. Seriously, its like a huge number. Same goes for alcohol. So I would expect bars to stay open until sunrise during our mating season. The fast and shameless moments of debauchery that college students traditionally experience and regret if they are able to remember on Spring Break would take place on Fall Break. Las Vegas' drive-thru wedding chapels would notice a spike in business in the autumn months, for those whose pending physical relationship also has a strong, emotional relationship.
The NFL, which gets a significant amount of attention from the general male population, would most likely need to change its season start date to sometime in January, as opposed to September. As much as men love football, there's one thing we love more, and if there's only one time we can get it, football will lose out. In fact all sports seasons would need to be run sometime between January and August. Of course watching sports will be challenge even still, what with all the birthday parties to go to in the spring and summer.
The entertainment world would be effected too. Summer time, particularly Memorial Day and the 4th of July, are key dates for the releases of the biggest blockbusters - usually high budget action films. I suspect movie studios would similarly go all out with the production of romantic comedies during Labor Day and Columbus Day weekends. Its very easy to predict Rihanna's new sex driven anthem dominating the radio waves at some point in the fall. And in the winter, when the romance and the "romance" has died down, Taylor Swift's latest break up song will replace it at Number 1.
And then there's Valentine's Day.
There is great variance in the interpretation of the day. If you think otherwise, next Valentine's Day pop in at the nearest fine dining establishment and notice the mode of decorum of the patrons. Afterwards, head to a bar. Any bar. There is a significant difference in the behavior in the two places. If there was a mating season, Valentine's Day would generally be celebrated in the fashion stated in the former, not the latter. It truly would be a day about true love.
But those people in that bar will still get their day. There is a day similar to Valentine's Day in the fall that receives far less fanfare. Sweetest Day, which falls on the third Saturday of October, would be the make-it-or-break-it day of mating season. The cheesy pick up line spouting, tight shirt wearing, enough cologne to give an elephant a headache wearing, men who bought a stash of roses from a guy in the parking lot hoping he will find a woman either dumb, drunk, and/or desperate enough to succumb to his advances will not be present though. He will be replaced by cheesy pick up line spouting, tight shirt wearing, enough cologne to give an elephant a headache wearing, men who bought a stash of chrysanthemums from a guy in the parking lot hoping he will find a woman either dumb, drunk, and/or desperate enough to succumb to his advances, as that particular hardy flower is in season in the fall, and in much more supply. The rose, an icon for romance for romance for seemingly forever, would be kicked to the symbolism curb.
And the women in the bar will have a more accepting attitude of such immature, and obviously insincere wooing by these men. As awful, creepy, or just plain lame as some of these guys may seem, the attention must be nice. However, this time there would be a biological obligation to select one of these chest thumping alpha male wannabes. The ball will still be in the females' court, so they'd have the right to be choosy, at least for a while. Can you imagine what awkward offspring the last two misfits standing would yield?
Well, they say there's no timetable for love. Its probably a good thing there's no timetable for getting some lovin' either.
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PHOTO CONTEST: I am working diligently(-ish) on the production of a My-Randomalities calendar, highlighting many of the great days like the ones in the Save The Date blog that most calendars curiously choose to ignore.
Of course, I will need 12 photos. So I'm having a photo contest for the (almost) centerfold. Send me your pic of you "Randomality-ing" (reading my blog with a paper bag over your head in normal, strange, or random situations), and the person with the best photo will be dubbed Mr or Mrs Randomality, and get a spread during May, the month I began this silliness.
Perhaps this will become the next Internet fad, like planking or owling. Well, probably not.
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Upcoming Randomalities:
-The Character of LIncoln
- maybe a blog on windmills
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