A Call for a Hero

The Center for Disease Control reported this week that thousands of people are at risk of contracting the deadly hantavirus after visiting Yosemite National Park this summer.  This mouse-borne virus is rare, but deadly.  So far it has claimed two lives, with so many more people having been exposed to the virus, that number will likely rise.

Sitting in my home thousands of miles away, I feel helpless, as thousands of people may unknowingly be infected, and more campers continue to roll in to Yosemite.  Well, almost helpless that is.  I feel it is my civic duty to help my fellow Americans, and with the power of the Internet, I think I can.  So I will use this blog like a beacon in the night sky, calling upon an unlikely hero to rise again in this dark hour.  And it is my hope that by the grace of God, this blog will find its way to Little Bunny Foo Foo.

Little Bunny Foo Foo, you have been cast as a bully, a ruffian, a thug of the woods, responsible for blatant, unwarranted rodent-on-rodent violence.  The Good Fairy, most likely a pawn of PETA, has chased you to obscurity, with the threat of turning you into a goon should you bop any more mice on their heads.  And look what has transpired in your absence.  Mice, small in stature, but as large in numbers as they are arrogant, have run rampant on the campsites of Yosemite, happily urinating and defecating wherever they damn well please with no respect to human life.

Only you can strike fear in to the mice, Little Bunny Foo Foo.  Only you can rid the land of the "Cockroaches of Rodent Family".  Only you can eradicate these vile, uncouth vermin.  You are our only hope.  The mice are many and strong, and Aquaman's powers have already proven to be useless against them.

So go Little Bunny Foo Foo. Hop through the forest. Even skip if you must, we won't judge you. Bop those mice on their heads. Bop the heart they say you never had out. Bop heads like you've never bopped heads before. Bop field mice, deer mice, white footed mice, brown mice, chipmunks ( I know they were in on it too). Bop them all I say. Bop until you can bop know more. Then give them purple nerples, noogies, Indian burns, whatever it takes to get them to leave.

You need not worry about that Good Fairy, mouse apologist that she is. I have dispatched Aquaman to run interference.  Turns out he is useful for something.  Despite living under a coral reef, the saltwater hasn't hurt that head of pristine blonde hair.  I mean seriously, it just keeps coming at you like waves of gold.  Even the brawniest of lumberjacks would be distracted. Oh and those eyes...

Umm, but getting back on track, your nation needs you Little Bunny Foo Foo. Your story is not done being written.  Your legacy has not been set in stone.  Goon is no longer your destiny.  Hero is. 
  
Good luck and Godspeed.