Election season is upon us once again. For some voters, their choice was made months ago. I however do not subscribe to the ideologies of either the Republican or Democratic parties enough where they simply have my vote. After all, I've always been a staunch supporter of the Whig Party (they may not have won an election in 164 years, but you don't hear people bitching about Zachary Taylor much either, do you?!).
I'm not going to say who to vote for, nor do I want this blog to become an open forum for political debate, as its purpose has always been and always will be for amusement (hopefully) purposes. Naturally I'm interested in fixing the economy, the environment, education, etc. But there are other less prevalent issues that are very dear to my heart as well. My very logical yet modest proposals should not be high priorities on any political agenda, but adopting a similar stance on these topics can't hurt a candidate's chances either.
TRANSPORTATION:
#1- According to my calculations, 82% of stress in the world is a direct result of an ill placed NO TURN ON RED sign, which, by the way, are always ill placed. Come on, whats the big deal about that really? Come to a stop, yield to traffic and pedestrians, and if the coast is clear, go. Why must I sit there for 3 eternity-like minutes, only to have your Aunt Edna, in her beat up Oldsmobile with cigarette tinted windows, finally putt putt her way through the intersection, and then have to coast behind her 15 mph below the speed limit? Take down all those useless signs, send them to a recycling plant and have them turned in to slides and placed in various playgrounds throughout the country.
#2-Who really knows how long a yellow light lasts. Four seconds? Six seconds? Seventeen seconds? Nobody knows! And while the purpose is to signify caution, a yellow light is basically just a green light on steroids, telling you to hurry up and floor it, regardless of the speed limit. Who hasn't trucked along through a 25 mph zone, only to to see a yellow light and floor it (especially if you have to make a right turn, but are prohibited for some reason), topping out at 50 mph, eyes looking straight up to see if you made it, only to slam on the brakes once through, and continue driving responsibly-ish?
Why not put a countdown of numbers within the yellow light, so you know exactly when the light will turn red and you can better gauge your chances of making it through at your current speed?
#3- City bus drivers will all get a small piece of power that many would envy. I propose each bus be equipped with a button that the driver can use at their discretion, to jam all cellphone signals. All too often a sense of decorum is lost in public settings, and some people feel the person on the other end of the phone isn't the only one who wants to hear their story, or even worse, they use language that would make a Hell's Angel blush. That's all fine and dandy when you are home, but chances are the 34 other people on the bus don't want to hear that noise.
FAMILY WELFARE:
I believe some pressure needs to be applied to the makers of children's movies, most notably Disney, to re-release a version of at least one movie where the mother does NOT die, helping to ease up the creation of clinging children and their separation anxiety. I don't care which movie - Bambi, Brother Bear, Finding Nemo, anything. Its rough on mothers to deal with a child having a melt down when they leave, and a bit of a blow to a father's self esteem too to see a child be reduced to tears when told they will be left with me, I mean him. In fact I'd be for more Disney fathers being killed off to even things out a bit, actually. The Lion King is a nice start, but I think its time for some more fictional fathers to be whacked.
MEDICARE:
I don't have the answers to solve our nation's problems regarding health care. But I have an answer to stop the asinine questions you are asked when you enter a doctor's office. Manners are great, but do you really need to ask how I am? Isn't that obvious? I'm at the doctor's office. I need medical attention!
How am I? Well this barf is fresh, but this shirt already had a puke stain from a kegger in the woods last month, so I'm not too worried about it. Can we open that window?
How am I? I cleaned my ear this morning and blood has been trickling out ever since, but a pint of blood really isn't that much right? Mind if I sit down?
How am I? My knee is bent 45 degrees the wrong way, but its OK because I have an audition with Cirque Du Soleil this afternoon.
Such increased stress to your existing malady is an unnecessary annoyance which should not go unpunished. If anyone in the physician's office asks you how you are doing, you should be allowed-no, legally obligated to kick them in the shins, unless of course you are there due to a foot injury, in which case a charlie horse shall suffice.
And should your physician ever have the stones to ask you why you are sick (it happened to me, as I was asked why I repeatedly got a certain infection), not only will be the visit free, the cost of the visit, whether it were to be paid by you or your insurance company, will paid in full to you. That's only fair, since you are being asked to do the doctor's job.
All in all, I think solving these little problems will result in a healthier/happier nation. Stress and anger as a whole will be significantly reduced (unless you are a polite nurse/doctor who forgets to wear shin guards to work).
God Bless America.
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