The Good- Trains.
Since I've never really ridden on a train, with the exception of the trolley system in Pittsburgh, with rides lasting no longer than 20 minutes, I have a fairly positive opinion of traveling by locomotive. Of course, I had a similar perspective of traveling long distance by bus prior to experiencing the purgatory on wheels myself ( friendly tip- if you are headed on a 10 hour bus trip tomorrow, don't drink yourself stupid tonight, because you may not be as lucky as I was to get in to the restroom to empty your stomach. And that will be the only time you will ever hear getting in to a bus restroom as a "lucky" occasion).
Trains helped build this country, expand industry and trade, as well as provide Hollywood with a unique setting for films. The train station became an iconic setting rich with romance, drama, mystery, and bittersweet moments that just can not be captured in other modes of transportation.
Imagine the following- its a chilly evening, and the clouds have begun to move in, obscuring some of the half moon's already dim light. Two star crossed lovers walk hand in hand, but only one is carrying a boarding pass.The protagonist reluctantly escorts his heroine to her train car, offering encouraging words and a strong embrace when the conductor gives his final cry of "All aboard". She boards and quickly finds a seat by the window, and her eyes lock with his, peering into each others' souls. She places her hand on the window as if to wave goodbye, and like a magnet, his hand is drawn to hers. Hands pressed together, separated by a thin pane of glass, they can almost feel each other's pulse, their hearts beating as one. The whistle blows, and the train begins its departure. Slowly, she is pulled from him. With his hand in place, he steps forward with the car. Her lips quiver ever so slightly, as the words "I love you" escape from her mouth. His head offers the faintest of nods, echoing her sentiments. His breath pours out of his nose in the cold, biting, night air, as he tries desperately to keep up with her, refusing to let go of the one love he knows he can never have. Unable to hold pace, he stops, yet his eyes have never left hers. A tear drops on to her cheek, and then she vanishes in to the darkness.
Now lets try the same scenario with a 1993 Ford Escort. Its a chilly night. It is time for our heroine to bid farewell to our hero. She gets in the Escort. His eyes glare in to hers, and she gives a nod of approval. He places his hand on the window, and begins to push the little hatchback forward. The sound of the ignition turning is quickly drowned out by Whitesnake's "Here I Go Again" crackling through the one functioning speaker. Their eyes remain locked, as he runs beside her, pushing her car in to the street. Finally, the engine pops, and the car starts. She slowly accelerates down the street. He whispers the word "Go" from his trembling lips while he trots a few steps further, if for nothing else but to keep warm, as she took his good flannel with her. Realizing she is gone, he takes a step back, pauses, and then begins to move towards his love again, afraid he'll have to pop start that piece of junk once more as she sits at the red light 50 yards ahead. I know there's no turn on red,but dammit just go! His walk to her escalates to a light jog, when at last she looks in all directions without seeing a cop, and drives right on red, and right out of his life.
Doesn't quite invoke the same type of emotion does it?
The Bad- Planes.
The actual physics of traveling by plane are not bad, as I can't be that crazy to say NY to LA in a few hours is worse than 3 days in a 1993 Ford Escort. But flying has its fair share of cons associated with it. Here are few areas I want to concentrate on.
In case you didn't know this, the moving walkway, or nerdier sounding horizontalator as it is also know as, is to assist people in a hurry to reach their destinations, not so lazy people can take a break of the strenuous activity of walking 30 feet. It kills me when I see a person in an obvious hurry trying to make up lost time hop on only to get caught in a standstill behind some people who view the moving walkway as a chance to become stationary and admire the small TGI Friday's, smoking lounges, and all the other sights you see scattered throughout the terminals. They are there for a reason, a good reason. There will be several hours to sit and relax on the plane. "But what about the elderly and disabled?" you ask. They should get their own travelator (another nerdy alias of the device). But any able bodied person caught slouching over the rail, impeding an other's progress should be struck with a cattle prod to keep the herd moving.
Maybe some people need to use the moving walkway because they are running late. Maybe they are using it so they can secure possession of the arm rest before anyone else. Its puzzling that its almost 2013 and armrests must still be an issue. Make them bigger already! Color the left side blue and the right side red, so each person has their territory marked, and get on with the handing out of the pretzels. Its really ridiculous when you consider all the advances in aviation in the last 100 years, and insufficient arm rest space still has not been properly address by any of the major airlines.
Also I really want to see a crash test dummy video of what exactly will happen to my body in the event of a crash if I don't return my seat to the full upright position. What type of additional damage can I expect if I am to be propelled forward an extra inch and half while already free falling from the sky at hundreds of miles per hour? Call me a pessimist, but I don't like my chances in either case.
The Ugly- Automobiles.
One man's junk is another man's treasure, which is why so many woody wagons were made in the 80's. But this is not a commentary on automobile design, Unless you are Amish, you probably can not imagine life without a car (and if you are Amish, I'm flattered you are reading this). The invention of the automobile led to the invention of automobile accessories. Beaded seat covers, trucker hats, and "Honk if You're Horny" bumper stickers would fade in to non-existence like Marty McFly if the automobile never were created. And I think if Henry Ford was alive today, he would be really impressed that we have developed the technology to replicate New Car smell and contain it on a small, pine tree shaped piece of cardboard.
But it hasn't been all good. Sometimes things get taken to far. I was dumbfounded the first time I saw a car driving through my neighborhood with the following:
On the Randomalities scale of Bad Ideas, with a 5 being "Giving Monkeys Blowtorches Bad", this rates as a 2 ( "Taking a road trip with Kathy Griffin Bad"). They are annoying and unattractive, and show a desperate need for attention. A 2 is a low number on the scale, based on its harmlessness, but a low score on the Randomalities Scale of Bad Ideas is still never ever anything to be proud of.
They better never ever put eyelashes on a train.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Upcoming Randomalities:
- An Untapped Source of Horror
- The 2012 My-Randomalities-ies Awards
- maybe a blog on windmills.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Remember you can follow My-Randomalities on Facebook and receive up to the minute updates regarding the hottest new merchandise this holiday season, get mini & retro Randomalities, as well as experience the most random Shark Week of your life (the 1st full week of Dec).
Great!
ReplyDelete