A little history refresher: in 1492 Columbus sailed the ocean blue. Of course you probably already knew at least that, unless you are 3, in which case these aren't the Sunday funnies you are probably looking for (sorry kid, not many pictures here to look at). You should know the rest of the story- man travels across the sea looking for an easy route to the Orient, seeking spices, finds the Americas, brings disease, enslaves the indigenous people, which leads to more European nations to sail west and colonize, spread even more diseases, steal land, bring over new people to enslave, battle over the right to own slaves, head further west to steal more land, add insult to the native people whose land was stolen by carving the faces of four white men into a mountain, etc etc etc until the landscape of this country was transformed from open fields of green, and thick forests to a land of pavement, speckled with Wal-Marts, Starbucks, and baseball stadiums sitting next to football stadiums.
Now my friend focused on all those things, which really are not things that should be celebrated. But what's done is done, and its not like we can change things. But the more I thought about it, a whole new set of questions were raised as to why we have a Columbus Day.
Whats funny about this (not wiffleball bat to the junk funny, but funny still) is how a man who was technically wrong, and so strongly refused to admit it, gets so much credit. I understand he was sailing uncharted waters, and didn't have a wife to nag him to stop and ask directions to China, not that there was a gas station somewhere in the Atlantic that he could have done so anyway, but you'd think after awhile he'd fess up to not exactly doing what he said he would. I mean, it worked out to be a pretty profitable mistake regardless. I also wonder how bad food was back in the 1400 and 1500's that men would risk so much just for some spices. I mean, I like flavor too, but it was also widely believed the world was flat at that time. I rather my turnips be a bit bland than sail off into oblivion.
Columbus Day was primarily celebrated on the centennial anniversaries until Colorado became the first state to make it an annual holiday in 1906,which makes perfect sense, given its proximity to the Bahamas (where Columbus actually landed), a mere 384 years prior to Colorado being granted statehood. In 1937, it became a federal holiday. However it is not recognized in all 50 states. Hawaii celebrates Discoveries Day (honoring its Polynesian discoverers), and South Dakota celebrates Native American's Day (surely that makes up for everything) on the same day as Columbus Day. And if you mention Columbus Day in Alaska they'll probably point to the land bridge in the Bering Sea and look at you like you're crazy. And this is from people who live in houses made out of blocks of ice!
Then there is Wisconsin. The good people of the cheese state marked October 9th as Leif Ericson Day in 1930, and 7 other states would follow suit. After all, Ericson arrived in North America about 500 years before Columbus. He never has received the recognition or fanfare Columbus has though, since his discovery did not lead to mass colonization. In 1925, President Calvin Coolidge declared Ericson as the discovered of the America's ( and now you know 1 thing about Calvin Coolidge). But still Ericson's feat has never been met with much fanfare, unless you consider the Minnesota Vikings as an homage to him. The trouble with Wisconsin however is, they celebrate both Columbus and Leif Ericson Day. And when it works out like it does this year, with Columbus Day coming first on the calendar, it sure does steal some of Ericson's thunder. They should just pick a side and observe only one. Its like rooting for both teams in the Super Bowl, you know. Let's work on that one, okay Wisconsin?
So how will you spend you Columbus Day? There are big celebrations in the Italian villages of cities like Cleveland, San Francisco, and Boston. I'm certainly all for a group of people honoring one of their own and their ethnic heritage. But otherwise Columbus Day is pretty lame. And I feel bad for people whose birthdays fall on Columbus Day, and have to wait another day for their $10 check from grandma to arrive. This really is just a way for the fat cats in Washington to get another day off.
If you truly want to capture the spirit of Columbus Day, this is what you should do - set out to go somewhere that you have never been before without a map or asking for directions, sneeze on a resident of wherever you actually end up, eat some Chinese food (as Columbus had hoped to do), then return home and tell everyone what a smashing success your day was. That's what Columbus Day is all about.
In all seriousness, having set foot on the 2 replicas of Columbus' ships, I can say what he did truly was an accomplishment. The boats were incredibly small. The Nina had 1 cabin below deck, for Columbus only. His crew of 20 men slept on the crowded hard wood deck, constantly getting wet as water splashed on them. The fact that this fleet made multiple voyages is quite amazing.
And you can take that to the bank! Just not tomorrow. Its Columbus Day. The bank will be closed.
*(special thanks to my amazing, young friend Cheryl Kibe, who is quite adept at getting me fired up enough to take a small rant and turn in to a blog post, as she did with Columbus. I only hope that after such banter, this blog will give her a new perspective on Columbus Day. And if not, then hopefully she'll be inspired to fly her ass back over to which ever country in Europe Kibe's come from)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------Upcoming Randomalities:
-The Character of Lincoln
-The Grand and Awkward In Your Face Physiology of the Sneeze
-The 2012 My Randomalities-ies Awards
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