Only 1 is true.
Tennis balls are bright and fuzzy because tennis creator Harry Gem, in a moment of vanity, wanted to pay homage to himself.
Tug Of War was an Olympic event from 1910-1920.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Arnold "The Impregnator", Maury, & more....
I was shocked and appalled last week when I turned on The Today Show and learned that Arnold Schwarzenegger had fathered a love-child 10 years ago with his maid while still married to Maria Shriver. It was not the affair that I found so deplorable- it was that this was the lead story. I do not condone or encourage this behavior, nor will I discount the pain Shriver and her family are experiencing. But I have a theory that celebrities are better equipped to recover from heartache, what with all the money and other rich, beautiful people around them. Just check out the magazines at the checkout line. One week some darling actress is on the cover portrayed as a victim of love, and 2 weeks later same said actress is on the cover triumphantly prancing around on the beach of some tropical island with a new beau. Hooray for her. If Bucky from Sticksville, Arkansas’ wife leaves him for another man, I’m sure he’ll have a much tougher time finding someone of equal or greater appeal. He may have to settle for a middle-aged grocery bagger with a limp (seriously, middle-aged and still hasn’t made her way up to cashier?) or the 27 year old girl that works 3rd shift at the gas station with the busted up grill and still goes to high school parties. The 2nd best waitress at Waffle House doesn’t sound so bad now does it? But of course that’s based on my uneducated assumptions of the dating pool in Sticksville, Arkansas.
So the US government is trying to get in contact with the many wives of Bin-Laden (kind of sounds like a romance novel), Mother Nature is tearing up the country destroying homes and lives of thousands, gas prices continue to rise, but the lead story is another celebrity infidelity? Come on! There are countless shows based on strife. How many years has Divorce Court been on TV? Does Maury Povich (more on him later) do any shows any more that don’t involve a DNA test? Look at the fascination with the Aniston-Pitt-Jolie love triangle. But above all else look at President Clinton and Monica Lewinsky. Now that was newsworthy, but if the most powerful man in the world has an affair, shouldn’t we be desensitized by this by now? Let TMZ, The Insider, etc handle these stories.
With the reality shows infusing “celebrities”, I think its only a matter of time before there is a “celebrity” based DNA test show, whether it be on The Maury Povich show or a separate production with a cheesy clichéd title (“Who’s Your Daddy?” comes to mind too easily). Povich seems like an all too natural choice to host a show of this sort. Clearly Connie Chung has all the journalistic integrity in that relationship (and might I add the looks. I wouldn‘t mind wang-Chunging tonight). He missed out on Schwarzenegger, but maybe there still will be a chance at a Tiger Woods mistress. After listening to the pop radio station for 10 minutes today, I have to believe Povich has stock or part ownership of a recording company. Half the songs I heard promoted infidelity. If skanky girls stop having random hookups in a brief period of time and get knocked up, the dude is going to be out of a job.
Other thoughts:
I just can not get into reality TV. Any random clown can get on show, act like a fool, and have their moronic actions/catchphrases branded, trademarked, merchandised, and rewarded to the extent they get to win matches at Wrestlemania. Maybe if this trend happened sometime between 1995-99, the peak of my young and dumb phase, than I would have found it more enjoyable, and perhaps profitable. If they created a reality show where they lock 15 scientists in a lab together to find a cure for a disease, and 1 gets eliminated each week, I would watch just for the principle of it.
I’m all for second chances, but hasn’t winning American Idol become somewhat of a diminished prize when people who lose still get record deals and outsell the winners? Kelly Clarkson is the only real American Idol in my book.
Christina Aguilera does not have an endorsement deal with any make-up company. Seems like a natural fit don’t you think? Its like Mr. T schilling for Zale’s or Richard Simmons as the spokesperson for a disturbingly short shorts company.
I have four children, but do not worry about explaining the birds and the bees. Its explaining Boy George that worries me.
MTV has shows titled "Teen Mom" & "16 and Pregnant". As a father who has a daughter I can only imagine the roller coaster of emotions experienced when a girl tells her parents she's joining the cast of a television show, and then says its one of those two.
I saw the latest Britney Spears video today. She certainly has lost a step or two. Forget about keeping up with her background dancers, I doubt she could keep up with a beginners zumba class. She better get it together soon or she may have to actually start focusing on song writing.
So the US government is trying to get in contact with the many wives of Bin-Laden (kind of sounds like a romance novel), Mother Nature is tearing up the country destroying homes and lives of thousands, gas prices continue to rise, but the lead story is another celebrity infidelity? Come on! There are countless shows based on strife. How many years has Divorce Court been on TV? Does Maury Povich (more on him later) do any shows any more that don’t involve a DNA test? Look at the fascination with the Aniston-Pitt-Jolie love triangle. But above all else look at President Clinton and Monica Lewinsky. Now that was newsworthy, but if the most powerful man in the world has an affair, shouldn’t we be desensitized by this by now? Let TMZ, The Insider, etc handle these stories.
With the reality shows infusing “celebrities”, I think its only a matter of time before there is a “celebrity” based DNA test show, whether it be on The Maury Povich show or a separate production with a cheesy clichéd title (“Who’s Your Daddy?” comes to mind too easily). Povich seems like an all too natural choice to host a show of this sort. Clearly Connie Chung has all the journalistic integrity in that relationship (and might I add the looks. I wouldn‘t mind wang-Chunging tonight). He missed out on Schwarzenegger, but maybe there still will be a chance at a Tiger Woods mistress. After listening to the pop radio station for 10 minutes today, I have to believe Povich has stock or part ownership of a recording company. Half the songs I heard promoted infidelity. If skanky girls stop having random hookups in a brief period of time and get knocked up, the dude is going to be out of a job.
Other thoughts:
I just can not get into reality TV. Any random clown can get on show, act like a fool, and have their moronic actions/catchphrases branded, trademarked, merchandised, and rewarded to the extent they get to win matches at Wrestlemania. Maybe if this trend happened sometime between 1995-99, the peak of my young and dumb phase, than I would have found it more enjoyable, and perhaps profitable. If they created a reality show where they lock 15 scientists in a lab together to find a cure for a disease, and 1 gets eliminated each week, I would watch just for the principle of it.
I’m all for second chances, but hasn’t winning American Idol become somewhat of a diminished prize when people who lose still get record deals and outsell the winners? Kelly Clarkson is the only real American Idol in my book.
Christina Aguilera does not have an endorsement deal with any make-up company. Seems like a natural fit don’t you think? Its like Mr. T schilling for Zale’s or Richard Simmons as the spokesperson for a disturbingly short shorts company.
I have four children, but do not worry about explaining the birds and the bees. Its explaining Boy George that worries me.
MTV has shows titled "Teen Mom" & "16 and Pregnant". As a father who has a daughter I can only imagine the roller coaster of emotions experienced when a girl tells her parents she's joining the cast of a television show, and then says its one of those two.
I saw the latest Britney Spears video today. She certainly has lost a step or two. Forget about keeping up with her background dancers, I doubt she could keep up with a beginners zumba class. She better get it together soon or she may have to actually start focusing on song writing.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Saturday's Little Known Facts
Introduction- I began writing "Little Known Facts" on the bulletin board at work awhile back. They were always received well, and usually sparked a discussion. The only catch is that I made up the facts. That is not to say they are definitely not true, but I doubt I'm that good of a guesser, and never would take the time to prove myself wrong. So every Saturday I will post 2 facts for your enjoyment. Only one is true -- thats for my enjoyment.
- Play-Doh was invented by NASA scientists as a quick-fix compound astronauts could use to fix broken pipes, tubes, seals, etc. After the compound failed their battery of tests, one scientist decided to market it as a toy after he saw his children playing with a sample he had brought home.
- Vincent Van Gogh only sold 1 painting in his life, and that was to his brother.
- Play-Doh was invented by NASA scientists as a quick-fix compound astronauts could use to fix broken pipes, tubes, seals, etc. After the compound failed their battery of tests, one scientist decided to market it as a toy after he saw his children playing with a sample he had brought home.
- Vincent Van Gogh only sold 1 painting in his life, and that was to his brother.
Friday, May 20, 2011
The Rapture
Preface:
The purpose of this blog is for entertainment purposes only. While the topic I’m writing about, The (possibly pending) Rapture, can arouse several opinions, I respectfully do not care to hear yours on the matter. I am not here to invoke a religious debate.
Saturday, May 21, 2011 is the reported date of The Rapture. There is great debate as to whether this will in fact be the date the world ends. Rather than saying when it does or does not happen, I’ve been thinking about what if it does happen.
First off, I learned off this on the night of Thursday May 19. I wish I had known sooner. I would not have bothered mowing my lawn earlier that day. I also would have not have rushed to pay the water bill. If I have 2 days left on this earth, I could have spent that $45 in much more fun manner. Or at the very least, I should have used it to fill up the car with gas, so I can hop in and drive to Ohio to meet my wife (we both work that day, and she feels it would be best to head to her parents‘ house). I don’t know if she’s confused the Rapture with the Y2K doom, or if she just figures the Rapture will move east to west, and she’s trying to buy time for us.
I then thought about a game I used to play with some friends in high school. My friend Dale had a basketball hoop in his backyard. The “court” was flat but lumpy and covered grass- not ideal conditions for a game of hoops. So we would play “If I Make This…” a game that clearly was developed by a bunch of 17 year olds hopped up on testosterone. It was very similar to H-O-R-S-E. Except a missed shot wouldn’t earn you a letter. Basically, Player A proposes that if they make a shot, Player B has to do something humiliating or gross. Player B would have a chance at the same shot if it was made, thus canceling the shot. Player B could attempt to reverse his fate at any time of the game. I don’t seem to remember any of us really cashing in on these “debts” that were wagered. However there was one thing that always seemed to come up in conversation, even years later, that I never did. As silly as it is, I will not disclose what that thing was. However I guess with the pending Rapture, there’s no better time to finally get that monkey off my back.
So that’s one thing I was supposed to do by now. There‘s a few more things I haven‘t done before our alleged end of days that I thought I would have. Not many 17 year olds fulfill many of their goals. For example, I have never played centerfield for the New York Yankees. I did once run across the field at 3 Rivers Stadium after working a shift as security at a Pittsburgh Pirates game, so that will have to do.
I have never run a marathon. Ironically, there was one in Pittsburgh (where I live) 4 days prior to my learning of the pending doom. Typical. I did run a 5K last August, so I guess that will have to do.
I have never entered an official eating contest, although some may find that hard to believe the way I put down pizza. Once with a friend, one of the friends from the “If I Make This…” games, I engaged in a contest of drinking shots of maple syrup. So that will have to suffice. (I won by the way.)
I’ve never been on a game show. Seems a little late for that, unless the Four Horse Men of the Apocalypse take over Minute To Win It.
I don’t have a bowling alley in my house. I never snuck behind stage at a concert or onto a movie set using only my wits and a roll of Mentos. Skydiving? Not even close.
I’m sure if I thought long and hard about it, there are plenty other expectations of 17 year old Andy that 35 year old Andy didn’t meet. Some realistic, many ridiculous. All in all, 17 year old Andy would be happy going out tomorrow. He’s got the beautiful wife and children he would have wanted. In the end, that trumps all.
So if the ground opens, and balls of fire rain upon me, I’ll know I had a good run. I’ll run 26 miles if needed, and carry a roll Mentos with me just to be safe. But that thing I was supposed to do from the basketball game, well it won’t help me in my Final Judgement, so looks like that will wait longer too.
The purpose of this blog is for entertainment purposes only. While the topic I’m writing about, The (possibly pending) Rapture, can arouse several opinions, I respectfully do not care to hear yours on the matter. I am not here to invoke a religious debate.
Saturday, May 21, 2011 is the reported date of The Rapture. There is great debate as to whether this will in fact be the date the world ends. Rather than saying when it does or does not happen, I’ve been thinking about what if it does happen.
First off, I learned off this on the night of Thursday May 19. I wish I had known sooner. I would not have bothered mowing my lawn earlier that day. I also would have not have rushed to pay the water bill. If I have 2 days left on this earth, I could have spent that $45 in much more fun manner. Or at the very least, I should have used it to fill up the car with gas, so I can hop in and drive to Ohio to meet my wife (we both work that day, and she feels it would be best to head to her parents‘ house). I don’t know if she’s confused the Rapture with the Y2K doom, or if she just figures the Rapture will move east to west, and she’s trying to buy time for us.
I then thought about a game I used to play with some friends in high school. My friend Dale had a basketball hoop in his backyard. The “court” was flat but lumpy and covered grass- not ideal conditions for a game of hoops. So we would play “If I Make This…” a game that clearly was developed by a bunch of 17 year olds hopped up on testosterone. It was very similar to H-O-R-S-E. Except a missed shot wouldn’t earn you a letter. Basically, Player A proposes that if they make a shot, Player B has to do something humiliating or gross. Player B would have a chance at the same shot if it was made, thus canceling the shot. Player B could attempt to reverse his fate at any time of the game. I don’t seem to remember any of us really cashing in on these “debts” that were wagered. However there was one thing that always seemed to come up in conversation, even years later, that I never did. As silly as it is, I will not disclose what that thing was. However I guess with the pending Rapture, there’s no better time to finally get that monkey off my back.
So that’s one thing I was supposed to do by now. There‘s a few more things I haven‘t done before our alleged end of days that I thought I would have. Not many 17 year olds fulfill many of their goals. For example, I have never played centerfield for the New York Yankees. I did once run across the field at 3 Rivers Stadium after working a shift as security at a Pittsburgh Pirates game, so that will have to do.
I have never run a marathon. Ironically, there was one in Pittsburgh (where I live) 4 days prior to my learning of the pending doom. Typical. I did run a 5K last August, so I guess that will have to do.
I have never entered an official eating contest, although some may find that hard to believe the way I put down pizza. Once with a friend, one of the friends from the “If I Make This…” games, I engaged in a contest of drinking shots of maple syrup. So that will have to suffice. (I won by the way.)
I’ve never been on a game show. Seems a little late for that, unless the Four Horse Men of the Apocalypse take over Minute To Win It.
I don’t have a bowling alley in my house. I never snuck behind stage at a concert or onto a movie set using only my wits and a roll of Mentos. Skydiving? Not even close.
I’m sure if I thought long and hard about it, there are plenty other expectations of 17 year old Andy that 35 year old Andy didn’t meet. Some realistic, many ridiculous. All in all, 17 year old Andy would be happy going out tomorrow. He’s got the beautiful wife and children he would have wanted. In the end, that trumps all.
So if the ground opens, and balls of fire rain upon me, I’ll know I had a good run. I’ll run 26 miles if needed, and carry a roll Mentos with me just to be safe. But that thing I was supposed to do from the basketball game, well it won’t help me in my Final Judgement, so looks like that will wait longer too.
INTRO-
My name is Andy. I'm not usually the most articulate person in the room, but I always felt comfortable expressing myself through writing. So here I go, I’m finally jumping into the blogosphere. After years of positive feedback on my facebook posts, I’ve decided to take a stab at blogging, going from 2-5 sentences at a time to several paragraphs.
Part of the reason I've hesitated is time. Random thoughts can pop in my head, I write 3 sentences on facebook, 4 people like it, 3 comment on it, and I'm satisifed. Putting more thought into a longer samples with self imposed deadline will be a challenge given family needs, my work schedule, and I've read only 1 of 7 National Geographics that have come since i received a subscription at Christmas. And I'll admit it, I'm a sports dork who gets too into fantasy baseball.
But I'm going to commit to this. I plan on doing one a week -- always leave them wanting more, right? While I do plan to take this seriously, nothing I write will ever be meant to be taken seriously. Please understand that my tone will be intended to be sarcastic, overdramatic, or satirical. I am doing this for fun, not to incite debate. Although few of my topics will be anything worth debating to begin with.
So what type of things do I think about, and in turn, plan to write about? I think of things like The Wizard of Oz would have been a much shorter movie if it took place on a rainy day. I wonder how awesome it would have been if they had red carpet specials in the 80's (and how old you have to be to stop using the word "awesome"). The thought of Joan Rivers asking Mr. T "who he's wearing" delights me. I wonder if all the virgins Osama Bin Laden is getting in the afterlife are 600 pounds, with nasty B.O. and crabs (they have to be virgins for a reason right?).
I picked the title "my-randomalities", because thats exactly what these blogs will be. There will be no prevalent theme. One week I could go on a rant on who was the best Golden Girl, the following blog could be about why women need 6 bottles of shampoo and 5 bottles of conditioner in the shower at once, followed by some facts I've made up. (yes I am aware that is not the definition of fact, but we'll see what you believe).
And with that, I am on my way blogging..
Part of the reason I've hesitated is time. Random thoughts can pop in my head, I write 3 sentences on facebook, 4 people like it, 3 comment on it, and I'm satisifed. Putting more thought into a longer samples with self imposed deadline will be a challenge given family needs, my work schedule, and I've read only 1 of 7 National Geographics that have come since i received a subscription at Christmas. And I'll admit it, I'm a sports dork who gets too into fantasy baseball.
But I'm going to commit to this. I plan on doing one a week -- always leave them wanting more, right? While I do plan to take this seriously, nothing I write will ever be meant to be taken seriously. Please understand that my tone will be intended to be sarcastic, overdramatic, or satirical. I am doing this for fun, not to incite debate. Although few of my topics will be anything worth debating to begin with.
So what type of things do I think about, and in turn, plan to write about? I think of things like The Wizard of Oz would have been a much shorter movie if it took place on a rainy day. I wonder how awesome it would have been if they had red carpet specials in the 80's (and how old you have to be to stop using the word "awesome"). The thought of Joan Rivers asking Mr. T "who he's wearing" delights me. I wonder if all the virgins Osama Bin Laden is getting in the afterlife are 600 pounds, with nasty B.O. and crabs (they have to be virgins for a reason right?).
I picked the title "my-randomalities", because thats exactly what these blogs will be. There will be no prevalent theme. One week I could go on a rant on who was the best Golden Girl, the following blog could be about why women need 6 bottles of shampoo and 5 bottles of conditioner in the shower at once, followed by some facts I've made up. (yes I am aware that is not the definition of fact, but we'll see what you believe).
And with that, I am on my way blogging..
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