What's the Difference in Hasselhoffs?

I recently saw a commercial for a new reality series entitled “Same Name”. The premise of the show is regular everyday people with the same name as “celebrities” (quotes are used because the people on these show often barely qualify as a celebrity. You haven’t seen Tom Hanks do one of these shows have you?), swap lives. The premiere episode has common man David Hasselhoff trading places with slightly less common man/actor David Hasselhoff. The real intrigue here for me is not to see how the former Knight Rider fares in regular Hasselhoff’s world. I’m really interested in seeing what they have regular Hasselhoff do. Its been years since actor Hasselhoff has done anything relevant. Having regular Hasselhoff run around in red shorts on the beach flaunting his chest hair would seem a little late. Will they send him across the pond and have him croon to admiring Germans? Or…umm...I got nothing. Seriously what is that guy doing these days? Guess we’ll have to watch and find out.

I’m also interested in learning if there has been an increase in name changes since the announcement of this show. How many people are suddenly named Angelina Jolie or Hugh Hefner? Much to my beautiful and sometimes loving wife’s chagrin, I will not be legally changing my name to Mark Wahlberg in an attempt to get on the show, although getting the opportunity to reunite the Funky Bunch and recording “Good Vibrations 2” is enticing. “Vibrations good like Sunkist, make you want to know who done this” - who am I kidding? I can’t rap like that. But I have been thinking who’s name I would like to share so I could spend a day in their shoes.

Many may say Barack Obama. Who wouldn’t jump at the chance to take his seat in the Oval Office and make the changes they deem suitable? But I’ve never been much a political guy, and I wouldn’t want to spend my time in the White House doing paperwork. Plus I do not want to be responsible for upsetting a whole new group of people. Probably the only change I would make is that if you ever say “This one time”, and the person you are speaking to immediately interrupts you by saying “At band camp?”, you are legally permitted to, no, obligated, to kick them in the shins. I think we can all agree that is rather reasonable.

I could change my name to Joe Buck, and get to sit in the broadcasters’ booth for the World Series, but that would mean I also have to sit next to Tim McCarver, and if you’ve been following along, you’d know I would not enjoy that. A younger and delusional me would have chosen any of my favorite professional athletes’ names, but I am now old enough to recognize what a fool I would look like trying to fill their shoes on the field. Same goes for rock stars. I've known I didn’t have the voice, but I can’t even party anywhere close to a rock star pace these days. Drew Carey would be a solid option for me. I’ve always been a big of The Price is Right. But then again, my dream has always been appear on the show as a contestant, not the host.

So I think I’d settle for changing my name to Andy Richter. I would have the best seat in the house for Conan, and maybe get to contribute a little to the show. That’s all I would need. Sharing the same first name would make an easier transition for those at home too ( “Andy take out the trash.”, “Andy, your dog needs to go out.”). Plus I’d be more confident my wife would keep her hands to herself.

Then again there is the option of my wife legally changing her name to Alyssa Milano.